Track Trash – Talladega

A record 40+ lead changes. Too bad there wasn’t one on the last lap. (Yes, he’s still a legend in his own mind.)

Hangover: After last week’s race in Phoenix, nine local agencies of the fuzz made 399 traffic stops in an effort to catch intoxicated drivers. Stopping drivers after a NA$CAR race? Gadzooks….. THIS IS UN-AMERICAN !! I say take the race away from Phoenix and give it to Vegas (where everything stays in Vegas).

Optimism: If you read NA$CAR Scene Daily, or other outlets, you always get the pre-race hype. All the drivers think they’re gonna place up front and make their sponsors proud. However, most of that is pure bologna (baloney where I come from). Most of ‘em are gonna end up in the bone yards. The usual players will be the usual winners. (Pardon me if I gag every now and then).

Rumors: The latest one is that DEI is negotiating to buy out RYR. Sorry, I can’t swallow that line. DEI is a staunch bowtie company, and RYR is married to the blue oval and has engine ties with the Roushmeister. . I doubt that either one would want to get a divorce.

DNQ: Another smile on my face. However, it’s almost to the point that Mikie has served his penance and should make a race. After all, this is getting beyond embarrassment. He’s probably so humble now that Buffy has almost complete control over him. Time to bring out the bullwhip, Buffy.

Da Race: Engines. Sorta like wives. Can’t live with ‘em, and can’t live without ‘em. May-nerd, then Flip, then Robo with real engine problems early in the race, then DJ had an electrical problem. Personally, I think DJ just wants to end his misery as soon as possible. One more Champions Provisional and he’s gonna be eating humble pie and joining Mikie on the DNQ list. (editor’s note: actually DJ used his last champions’ provisional to get into ‘dega) Yes, Oyota’s gonna get their act together, but not before it casts a huge ugly gray cloud over some of their pristine drivers.

Smoke: About a third of the way through the race, Smoke did some smoke on pit road and got a speeding ticket. Now, is this an educated driver, or a novice?? Ok, most of ‘em are hardly educated, and I doubt that 5% of ‘em went to college (and none of ‘em woulda graduated), so this whole arrangement is tantamount to thinking that the stars in Hollywood actually have enough education to spout off about politics. I know, this is a loosely threaded tale, but how many times have you heard our beloved drivers just mangle the Queens English?? Sorry, but this is just a reason why we shouldn’t place drivers or actors (etc.) on pillars to become our idols.

Hendrick’s goofballs: Ok, CaseOfMears (in his jinxed 25 car) wants to pull down into the pits. He thinks the whole Hendrick team is gonna go into the pits (a misconception on his part). He signals out the window to JJ behind him (or maybe this is an abhoration on both of their parts). Then he gets punted in the rear by his dear bud, JJ, and slams into the wall. Attention Rick Hendrick: CHANGE THE NUMBER ON THE 25 CAR, and all of these problems will just disappear.

Big One: Not really as big as yesterday’s Busch race, but the big one came about 2/3rds of the way through the race. We later learned that Mikie had warned his drivers several laps before that it may be coming, so Mikie seems to be an excellent coach. This one started when the 96 DLP car came up on JJ, who pinched the 88 car of RickRude. They collected JoeNemo and Jburton, but the worst wreck was KidKyle’s 5 car literally going to the bone yard. This was his second huge wreck in two days, and I doubt he’ll want to come back to Talladega in the near future. Matter of fact, he’s probably looking at Alabama as a place to avoid even flying over.

Da Train: We haven’t seen freight trains like this at Talladega in a long time. Two separate ones, and both of ‘em lasted far longer than we woulda imagined. But we just knew that those busy minds were trying to figure out how they could make a run for it and not get hung out to dry. The rookies just knew they’d go quickly to the rear, and the veterans weren’t willing to gamble.

Oyota: The one shining knight for the new kid on the block was DavieRootman, who held his own for most of the day, and was running up front toward the end. But alas, his was the final engine to expire, and it went up in a magnificent billow of smoke. Unfortunately, this was during the last 4 laps, which sent the race into Green/White/Checkered, and sealed the race for anyone out in front at the time.

Debris: The story goes that Jr. had warned his immense number of loyal fans not to throw beer cans at Gordo if he won, but to throw toilet paper instead. The track then followed this up with a warning that anyone throwing beer cans would be arrested. To condense this story, Gordhead won, there was one lone (symbolic) roll of toilet paper thrown, and a number of fans got arrested. Let’s face it, Gordo, there is no love for you in Alabama. Matter of fact, I doubt that any Hendrick team feels the love. What with the sea of red in the stands, this is one track they don’t own…….

Kudos: To the 24 team. Enough said. None to JJ, cuz he was involved in way too many incidents today. Not that they were his fault, but he didn’t win over any fans. To the Blue Deuce for finally living up to it’s reputation. To JamieMac for a great finish. To FlyinRyan for finally coming out of hibernation. To DavieGilliland for another strong super speedway outing (super speedways seems to be the only place that RYR flourishes).

Heaps of 3’s all over your Dupont chemicals,
Racing Maniac #3, #8e