Hey, there, this is “the Fly”. 
You’ve probably heard a lot about being a “fly on the wall” somewhere or another. Well, that’s usually me.
Image courtesy of Lori Munro / www.War-Wagon.com
I have a toolbelt full of various electronic and mechanical gadgets that help me get into places no one else can get into, plus rocket propulsion and GPS to get from place to place quickly.
I’ve hung out here with Mike on MotorSportsNews.Net since he started it nearly 5 years ago (and even before that), although I have been pretty quiet lately. The US military makes use of my skills when I’m not around stock car racing. Sorry, I can’t say more about it than that. Hoooraaaw!
Enough background…
There was certainly a lot of controversy over that mystery ingredient in the intake manifold of Michael Waltrip’s Toyota Camry at Daytona this past February.
Other than calling it an “oxygenate”, NASCAR refused to indentify the substance.
There’s probably been hundreds of articles written, and lots of questions asked, such as …
- What was that stuff?
(Which could be translated, “Where can I get some?!??”)- Who put it in Michael’s intake manifold?
(which could be translated, “Who can we blame?”)- Why did someone put this stuff in there?
(which could be translated, “What in the dickens was someone thinking?”)
If they’d just come to me to begin with, I could have answered all those questions…
- It was bug goo (aka splatted bug, with a little rocket fuel mixed in, a very exotic mixture). You can’t get it.
- I did. I suppose you can blame me.
- What was I thinking? Believe me, it was an accident!
Back on Sunday, February 11, I was taking in all the splendor that is uniquely Daytona. I spent most of the time just saying “hi” to old friends I hadn’t seen in a long while.
So as I was touring the garage, I stopped in to see David Hyder, crew chief for the #55 NAPA Camry.
“The Fly”: Hi, David! How’s things been?
David Hyder: Fly! Hey, there! Been good. You?
“The Fly”: Same here. How’s the car running?
David: Not as good as we’d like it to. Hey, would you mind doing me a small favor?
“The Fly”: Sure, what do you need?
David: If I take the air cleaner off, do you mind flying down through the carburetor and taking a look at the spark plug tip on #3 cylinder? It’d save me the time of pulling that plug; we’re struggling to get everything wrapped up before inspection.
“The Fly”: Sure, no problem.
David removes the air cleaner, leaving it resting on top of the engine so it can be replaced quickly. Distracted, he walks away to check on tire settings.
“The Fly” buzzes down into the engine to check out the spark plug
Unfortunately, while trying to squeeze through the restrictor plate opening, “The Fly” bumps his retro-rocket-booster “on” switch.
Bump! Click! WHOOOSHH!
“The Fly”: Oops! (his retro-rocket lights) WHOOOOA, camel!!
If you’re one of the two or three long-time fans of “The Fly”, you can probably guess what happens next.
After a very quick acceleration in a very confined space, our hero bounces around inside the tiny manifold area, then is unceremoniously splatted on the bottom of the intake manifold, along with all of his tool belt gadgets and their contents.
#55 Crew member standing nearby (talking to a co-worker): Did you just hear something from the engine? Something like BBs richocheting around, then… a scream?
2nd #55 crew member: Are you NUTS? You must be imagining things!
1st crew member: I could have SWORE I heard… naaw, couldn’t be.
NASCAR official: Hey, #55 team! You’re up for inspection.
1st crew member: QUICK! Get that air cleaner back on there and help me push this car over there!
… some time passes …
David: (walking back to where the car was) Fly? Where’s that bug? Fly!! Sheesh, can’t even count on a fly these days.
… some more time passes …
NASCAR Inspector: OK, let’s get this intake manifold off here… YUCK! What IS this stuff all over the inside of the manifold?
Hey, Mr. Pemberton!!! C’mere and take a look at this.
(Note: this article was written strictly for the enjoyment of this website’s readers, and is intended as humor/satire)
Real neat/ as good as it can git!
GOT IT?
Nope… what in the dickens do you mean?
Have we discounted the fact it could have been beamed down
by the Mother Ship (in high orbit)to help out the UFO’s favorite driver? They obviously don’t have NASCAR on their planet.
We must also consider they had something to do with Brian France’s
parking lot fiasco.
Very clever, I especially like the toolbelt on “The Fly” !!! Thanks for solving the mystery for us all, I’m sure that MWR appreciates it too !!!
Say What????
Just humor me, and play along…. and no one will get hurt.
Have we considered that maybe, possibly, do we really know, Mikey has been replaced with a double from the MotherShip and the real Mikey is watching an a really, really big TV screen up there?
Naw….surely DW would know…you think? Is that REALLY DW in the booth? Just where DID those Toyotos come from???